Wait - I have a quick question…

Make It Stand Out.

I am 39 and 7/12 years old ( this means I am existing in my 40th year) AND SO ARE MY EGGS. Yes ,everyone, this a two part blog about my questions regarding the Covid-19 vaccine and my advanced maternal age fertility. This part, however, is about the Covid vaccine and asking questions. Does simply questioning the Covid vaccine ,for yourself, for specific personal reasons make you an anti vaxxer?

Let me start by saying, I completely support vaccines and am vaccinated against all of the usual things. I have also had a bad reaction to a vaccine at 34 and while it wasn’t fun ( chills, fever, myalgias) I felt fine within a day or so. I know that pregnant women receive the flu shot and are getting the various Covid vaccines. I know that the Covid vaccine won’t change your DNA, shoot government tracking microchips into your bloodstream or turn you into a robot or lizard etc.

That wasn’t my question.

My question was very specific, and pretty personal, but other women in my age group had a similar thought - I am already considered to be of “advanced maternal age” and I work so hard to keep my body as healthy as possible because I know that I have so many factors, that I cannot control, working against me when and if I do get pregnant. The last thing that I want to do is knowingly inject myself with something that could make my chances of having a healthy baby in the next few years any harder. Is there some concrete research on this? No, not just on currently pregnant women (and let me just say for the record that I support every parent currently deciding to take the vaccine while pregnant), preferably not only studied via women 25-33. Please don’t just remind me again that I should have frozen my eggs however many years ago. Also that I am not “trying to conceive” today. I know we are desperate to return to normal and get everyone vaccinated ASAP. I am not opposed to the vaccine. I am just curious. I am doing my research. I am just willing to wait a minute to get a few studied answers. Does that mean I should be fired? ( like the waitress in Brooklyn. This woman has a PhD, was informed she had to be vaccinated to keep her job, she told her work that she wanted to do more research on the vaccine and fertility before getting the shot. They fired her.) Am I looking towards a future where vaccinated people can do whatever they want and the unvaccinated remain in isolation? Ironically, I am not even eligible for the vaccine yet but does this question make me undeserving? Am I ungrateful? Do I not respect or understand science?

I just had a question.

The vibe in the room when you vocalize a concern of this nature is polarizing, to say the least. All of sudden, eyebrows raise slightly, dear friends and family trying to stay neutral and calm in the presence of you, their former “normal” loved one who, evidently, has been craftily hiding their flat earther tendencies and reddit deep dives regarding pandemic conspiracy theories. I promise, I couldn’t define QAnon if I tried and I don’t understand how reddit even works. Honestly, I was just wondering, I have always wanted to have a baby (possibly more than one) and now this vaccine feels like one more tricky, unknown on that already possibly/probably difficult journey. I can’t change my age and my personal health and wellness habits will only get me so far. I have to be my own best advocate.

So, honestly, it was just a question.